The King’s Loyal Testicle

A theme! A theme! My Esso 1970 World Cup Coin collection for a theme!

Invoke Shakespeare (Richard The Third?) with a cringe-worthy parody and no sooner than doth I orate doth I have it.

A theme worthy of such a coveted prize as the petrol station give-away.

Begin new blog where previous blog ended.

Which in this case would be Sweden.

Not as newsworthy a country at present as Scotland but topical enough given that less than a week ago Sweden, too, went to the polls. Returned its first Social Democratic government since 2006, when the Swedes witnessed the end of an unbroken thousand years of Social Democratic rule.

Of course I exaggerate. Nevertheless, the Social Democrats had been in power a hell of a long time and up to 2006 the result of a General Election was considered a foregone conclusion.

As predictable as the fate of any character played by legendary actor Sean Bean.

Sean’s character always dies.

No matter what the role.

They die.

And never of old-age.

Take Game of Thrones if you will.


Sean is cast as Eddard ‘Ned’ Stark. Naturally, Ned’s demise is guaranteed early doors. Sometime during Season 1 the fantasy romp will be over for Mr. Stark.

Stabbed. Bludgeoned. Poisoned. Take your pick, you know the script writers have it in for him.

Hang on a minute. Is it possible that Sean Bean will for once in his life catch a break and survive the opening credits of say, Season 2?

Nah. There really is more chance of Sweden electing Mickey Mouse than ‘Beanie’ becoming a much-loved stalwart. A regular face. An old hand.

I’ll explain.

Sweden’s Social Democratic Party won the most seats in last week’s election. They forge a coalition with like-minded parties. Form a government.

The status quo is restored.

Social Democrats rule.

No doubt for another millennium.

The 2014 statistics.

1,932, 711 of the 6,290, 016 votes cast went to Stefan Löfven’s Social Democrats. He will be the next Prime Minister. Or President. Or whatever it is Swedes call their elected leader.

And yet the result could all have been very different.

I’ll explain.

Ballot papers reveal that Zlatan Ibrahimovic polled 6 votes. Donald Duck (Kalle Anka) weighed in with a very respectable 73 votes, well ahead of Jesus on 11, who nonetheless triumphed over Judas (1 vote) who no doubt voted for himself.

I’ll explain further.

Swedish electoral law allows for voters dissatisfied with the (21 in 2014) parties who stand for election to nominate their own choice. So long as that choice is eligible the nominated ‘person’ could in theory be elected.

The Swedish international football player Zlatan Ibrahimovic – whose genius was sadly missed at the 2014 World Cup due to the simple fact Sweden failed to qualify – was eligible, whereas cartoon ducks are not.

The King of Sweden (3 votes) is also, not surprisingly, constitutionally barred.

As is one presumes ‘The King’s Loyal Testicle’ (1 vote).

Testicles plural or singular are/is not where I would choose to end this blog for obvious reasons, and yet the Royal Gonad-for-PM question might well prove a crowd-pulling cliff-hanger on which to close.


4 thoughts on “The King’s Loyal Testicle

  1. I feel pity for Sean Bean. Even though I read Lord of The Rings prior to the movies, I still rooted for Boromir. And Goldeneye. An abandoned statue park of old Lenin statues. That’s very innovative for a private meeting with the movie’s nemesis the Piercing Bro’snan. I do love the Swedish election bureau. It shows all the parties with votes. A party called Sweden’s MultiDemocrats (11 votes) had problems. A very similar sounding party called Sweden’sMultiDemocrats also received 11 votes. It is the same party of course. I think they need to focus the next election on how to spell the party name and they could possible double the results!


    • Do not pity Sean. He heralds from Sheffield and has 100%Blade tattooed on his derrière – what more can a man want other in life than to be a fully paid-up member of Sweden’s funky MultiDemocrats! Thanks for stopping by good Sir


  2. Is it just me or do the MultiDemocrats sound like they are involved in a Monty Python sketch? People’s Front of Judea? F**k off…we’re The Judean People’s Front. Etc. Fantesticle I’d say. I wonder if Sean Bean is just terrified of the acting equivalent of the “difficult second album” and has a Must-Be-Twatted clause in each contract? Still a legend though. In fact is there anyone who actually dislikes Sean Bean? I just can’t see how anyone could. Fine fare as always and I liked your closing pun of constitutionally bard (haha) as a nod back to young Shakespeare.


    • Bunch of splitters those MultiDemocrats of Sweden, Nik. Not at all like the true MultiDemocrats (Sweden). You are right about Beanie – I reckon he just gets bored and is happy to get shot/blown up whatever and move on. As I must do. Wish I could say I threw in that last pun but I knows nowt about old Shaky – thanks for stopping by kind Sir


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